Now...Where was i? Continued
So the night before the party im making oven fried chicken kiev and chips *ugh* and i decide the chips need a lil salt. I reach for the salt and begin to crack away at it when Grimace (you know the fat purple friend of Ronald McDonald) walks in and coughs
*Cough Cough*i turn with salt in hand
Grimace: What are you doing?
Confused Nick: Oh im cooking tea.
Grimace: I can see that but what are you doing with
my salt
Understanding Nick: Umm im just putting a little on my chips because oven fries generally taste like Michael Jacksons ass. Is there some form of problem?
Furious Grimace: (Shit i thought her kind was supposed to be jolly): Yeah but thats
MY (Theres that word again) salt
Feeling kidna awkward Nick: Oh.... I'm sorry i didnt realise it was such a big issue i just assumed that as it was salt it was a house hold condiment
Grimace: NO! NO ITS NOT its
my salt and this is
MY house (shyeah thats right she owned the frickin house, i found out about that one at the same time as learning to not fuck with a womans salt)
Nick: Im...Sorry? I'm happy to pay you some money for the salt i just didnt consider it to be such a hot topic
Grimace: Well it is a hot topic OK! When we said BYO Groceries we meant BRING YOUR OWN GROCERIES
Nick: I think its actually Buy your own (im just being a prick right now)
Grimace: I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS! BUT IT SEEMS YOU DONT
Nick: It's just fucking salt...Let it go. I'm sorry i used your salt it wont happen again
Grimace: yes well see that it doesnt....
Nicks inner thought: "See that it doesnt?" who the fuck is she? a prison guard?
So a this point im thinking im really feeling like moving out and a mate has a room up in his hovel up soon. Never the less i dont cancel the party and secretly tell my friends its branded as a hello goodbye party.
The party starts and i get a turn out of about 30 friends and much alcahol is consumed and people are spoken to. its all going well up until Hambeats #1 AKA Grimace comes up to me
yes its time for another transcript!
Gilbert Grapes Mumma: Umm Nick, can i talk to you inside for a minute
Nick: Yeah sure
Nicks Inner thought: uh oh im in trouble again. Dont take any bullshit this time
Gilbert Grapes Mumma: Whats the deal with all these people?
Nick: What do you mean "The Deal" they're friends
Gilbert Grapes Mumma: I understand that but theres too many of them.
Nick: *Rolleyes* How can i have too many friends?
Gilbert Grapes Mumma: Theres too many of them here
Nicks Inner Thought: Fucking hell just SHUT THE FUCK UP
Calm Nick: You never told me there was a limit
Gilbert Grapes Mumma: Well we where expecting 10 people or so
Pissed off Nick: You didnt tell me this and besides this is a much better turn out
Gilbert Grapes Mumma: *eats a piece of chocolate cream cake* Theres too many people here, tell some to go...
Pissed off Nick: What the hell? tell some to leave how about i tell you to fucking leave! this is ridiculous
and i walk back outside
Can you beleive this shit? Honestly who the hell thinks its at all decent to select some friends and tell them they have to leave because of one uppity bitch and her ridiculous laws.
So the next day i tell them im moving out and she has the nerve to act all sad about it and proceed to ask why. And me like the pussy I was said "oh i cant really afford it here and a friend has a cheaper place closer to uni which suits me quite well" When i really should have said "Beacause I cant fucking stand living under the same roof as a gorging, bitter, repugnant, shallow, petty & ridiculous piece of toilet paper that i used to wipe my anal leakage on because i didnt want it to stain my silk boxers. I love the fact that she played the same game ^_^
Coming up next
--Nick Battles the Dragons in the Blackforest--
Stay Tuned sports fans
Greetings sports fans, Nick here with a new post. Wow its only been 2 months! what can I say? ive been busy so shutup!
Im going to assume the previous posts didnt happen because I'm too freaking lazy to read what i have written. At Sanjays request i am going to write about my previous adventures in steps because a lot has happened and its easier this way and its my fucking blog!
When i first moved back to the city of Adelaide i moved in with two young girls who will go nameless for the time being because i plan on giving them a lot of shit in the next paragraph ^_^
So yeah these girls i found them on this flatmates site which was a big mistake. The advertisement stated "If you are the type of person who enjoys a party and a beer then you'd love it here" which in retrospect sounds really lame but at the time sounded great. So i jumped in and moved in there and was greeted by a two girls (sisters) who are lets face it less themndesirable and a room that was as big as my asshole and which contradictory too daniels belief is quite normal size id say maybe a small grape? haha anyway, i squeeze my shit in to this little room that smells of floor varnish. I discover one of the girls is a qualified chef (you can tell by her ass) and wine expert so im thinking i could like it here. Turns out i am to be cooking my own food and buying everything for myself which is fair enough i guess but it still sucked especially when i saw the two of them devour a roast beef every thursday whilst i ate my noodles. These girls bragged about the fact that they had a good taste in film and rarely watched TV which turned out to be a load of bullshit, it seems a day couldnt go by without Springer, Oprah, Big Brother, Idol etc or any of that other shit being watched. This house is begining to suck.
I couldnt talk to them about anything, we had nothing in common apart from a love of alcahol but hey who doesnt love the stuff and lets face it if you dont then your probably a communist. Things where starting to suck and i found myself hiding at my friends houses until late so as to avoid inane polite banter with the hambeasts because i just couldnt fake likeing them anymore. I decide we need some kind of ice breaker, you know introduce friends and everyone get drunk and be merry and get along etc. So a housewarming party is organised and people are invited. Now the girls never told me any rules to this party i assumed it was open invite etc etc.
*More to come just posting this to appease fans hah!*
The life and trials of Nicki Masu
Ok so this is the first time I’ve ever officially been poor. I don’t known how I can claim it officially but we’ll just call it that for the sake of this blog ok?
Ok so I’ve blown all the cash I had apart from the large sum currently outstanding by various peoples. I’ve been waiting for my AUSstudy payment for almost 2 weeks now and its getting difficult to believe it will ever arrive. I called up my “counsellor” “lynne” yesterday who stated she has received some form that needs to be processed and then it should be ok, when I questioned her as to why it isn’t being processed as we speak, well she got very abrupt and stated she is a busy woman. No offence “LYNNE” but I’m poor and hungry student now and I think your game of TETRIS can wait.
Honestly these fucking public service bureaucratic imbeciles! Just want to drive the students of this country nuts. But don’t worry readers, I will survive for as long as I know how to love I know I’ll stay alive.
So I feel like I’m almost ready for university now. A few weeks ago it didn’t seem this real it just seemed like id picked up where I left off when I returned to this state. But I’ve been to uni now, I’ve walked around the lake I’ve attended some lectures on the most boring of subjects
1. Time Management
2. Critical Thinking
3. Essay writing (The unofficial guide to referencing and glossaries) *hahaha I made that last part up
4. Coping with exams
Now these aren’t mandatory lectures, I just thought I would go to scope out the place and maybe pickup some pointers. I get to the first one and there’s me and this…..let’s say “Portly Gentleman” present. No one else, just me and him. I stuck around for 15 minutes, I left after said portly gentleman started whispering to me about all the “Hot Chicks” in his courses. I hate having to feign interest in things, I find it one of the most difficult things to do. I mean don’t get me wrong, If there’s something to be learned from it then I’ll listen intently, BUT! If its something I know I will never want to discuss with another soul or pursue further, My brain will deflect any incoming information and I will scan for ways to interrupt the talker so I can get the hell out of there. I think there’s going to be a lot of that this year.
No romantic encounters as of yet, BUT it’s a friends 22nd this weekend and maybe I can find some semi drunk woman who finds me slightly attractive to play “patty cake” with
The first person that gets the patty cake reference wins a marsbar!
You have to post the answer in the comments section weeeeeeeeeeee
-Nick-
Sadam in iraq said everyone attack and we'll turn it into the baghdad blitz
Greetings sport fans,
I am without internet for the moment, since optus cancelled my free work account and im too poor to afford the fabled broadband and well dialup just plain sucks. So where am i at the moment? i am stealing a friends internet.
So ive returned to Adelaide, I've settled into my new place, what happened next? ahh yes trying to make peace with my astranged father. Let me tell you something about Steve Moss. Steve is a man who will not take advice from someone unless they earn over $30,000 a year.
since i have been a student most of my life, he hasnt really had the time of day for his son, apart from showing me his latest plan to help me get a job in some area i have no interest in.
It seems that......it seems that all he cares about is work, plain and simple work and nothing more. It doesnt where or with who just as long as you do WORK and you get a PAYCHECK. Now dont get me wrong i've heard the sayings "he just wants whats best for you" but if that where true why would the man prefer me to be unhappy and working then unhappy and working for the sake of a few extra years of study.
Sorry for those reading who dont know whats really going on, i am talking about my father Steve Moss, Me and my father have never really gotten along, not until my move to melbourne. We would speak on the phone for an hour at a time and it was nice to finally get some respect, But now im back ive left that job and decided to take a different path and it feels like im back to where we were 3 years ago and its just so fucking shit. The uncomfortable silence, i hate visiting my parents because he allways throws in some snide remark about "winners sticking to there guns"
Mum invited me around for pizza the other night and we got to talking about a friend of mine, David who has just come back from a work trip over seas.
heres the transcript
Mum: Gee david was lucky to go to london for work
Dad: why is he lucky? (here comes the snide remark) people that stick at there job get rewarded
Me: haha I wouldnt consider it lucky to be in a job i dont enjoy when my interests are held elsewhere
Dad: I wasnt making a reference to you at all
Me: Bullshit dad, why would you possibly deny it?
Dad: This pizza is terrible.
And that was the end of it. It seems that each encounter with my dad is one where we exchange blows or just say good morning. But its allways so formal.
GOOD MORNING NICHOLAS
Well i have more to write about, but my laptop 5 minutes of charge left and i want to get something posted tonight.
Peace Out
-Nick-
